Monday, February 24, 2003
Feline Fine
Our dog Frank is the only family member with health insurance. A two-year-old McNab mix we acquired at the Human Society shelter at King Salmon, Frank is entering his second month of free medical insurance, part of the adoption package. After this month, Frank’s medical insurance will cost us $9 a...
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Tuesday, January 28, 2003
The Man Who Came To Dinner
I served dinner in a room half-filled with a twenty-one-inch color television set. The couch is four feet away, close enough to feel as if the President were sitting across from us, monopolizing the conversation while we picked at our broccoli and chicken stir-fry. Eerily, the Vice President, seated...
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Free Association
Thirty-four pounds to lose. Pound sterling. Pound the pavement. Pound cake. Thirty-one pounds to go. Ezra Pound. Dog pound. Dog pound. Ten years ago, my ninety-two-year-old aunt died and left me the farm. I flew out from New York, and organized the town and the incoming shirt-tail relatives for a...
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Sunday, January 26, 2003
Grammar Has Went
Followed closely by integrity. Three beers on an empty stomach and I'd be selling atomic secrets if there were anyone still lliving who can't find them on the net. Number one: black pants and black shirts are slimming; number two: I did not bust Brandy with a joint, I busted my husband with a joint;...
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Play That Funky Music, White Boy
Outside the Palace, in the alley by the feed store, I'm sucking up my third Bud, proud that I ate raw bell peppers all day so I could dance all night to Taxi in the smoke-filled ( we'd better call the police!) bar. Black pants and a black shirt in a dimly lit room is so slimming, and I nearly carry...
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Friday, January 24, 2003
Laid Off
The guys who run my body on the day shift have panicked with the realization that they will either have to undergo a career change or be downsized. I heard the rumblings at 6:30 when they showed up for work and found nothing to digest. And there’s always been something, for heaven’s sake, because...
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Thursday, January 23, 2003
Confusion Hill
A can of garlic pretzels on the bedside table, chocolate truffles on the pillow, brioche at breakfast: food is everywhere. I stuff an apple in my purse and eat a bowl of All-Bran with skim milk while I try to memorize the chart in The Chronicle. Jereboams, methuselahs, balthazars. Wine bottles the...
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Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Wednesday, San Francisco
Extra time before meetings to go on-line to ecureme.com and feed my symptoms in the system for a medical diagnosis. Fatigue, weight gain, and flyaway hair. I check the boxes, yes or no, and wait for the bad news. "You very likely have EXCESSIVE EATING." I retake the test. This time, I am more...
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